Every Disney Story, Starring Darkwing Duck
by OverMaster
Summary: Have you ever gone to sleep without wondering, at least once that day, 'Boy, wouldn't it be swell if every Disney story starred the Midnight Mallard, the Terror that Flaps in the Night, Darkwing Duck? No? No? I thought so. Well, here's your chance to witness that firsthand. You are a fortunate one, did you know that?
1. I'm the Terror that Flaps in the Night

_Darkwing Duck and all other characters and properties mentioned and shown here are the property of the Walt Disney Company. I make no money at all out of them, and any resemblance of the events and characters shown here with anyone or anything from the real world, living or dead, without parodic purposes is completely accidental._

_Now, let's get dangerous!_

* * *

**EVERY DISNEY STORY, STARRING DARKWING DUCK- FIRST INSTALLEMENT.**

* * *

**A Bug's Life.**

"Let's get dangerous...!" he said, adjusting his hat on...

... and then he stepped on Hopper.

"Well, well, well. That was easy enough!"

On the other hand, it wasn't as bad as being ripped apart by baby birds.

* * *

**Sleeping Beauty**.

"Now, shall you deal with ME, O Duck- and all the powers of HELL!"

Darkwing's eyes popped up as he saw Maleficent transform into a towering black dragon.

Flora waved her hand at the sword in Darkwing's hand. "Thou sword of truth, fly swift and sure, that evil die and good endure!"

But he just tossed the sword aside. "That won't be necessary, Ma'am."

"What? But-!"

He adjusted his hat on. "Let's get dangerous!" And after pushing himself against a thin, small dead tree, he used it as a catapult to toss himself towards Maleficent. "BELLY BOUNCE!"

Flora, Fauna and Merryweather watched on, aghast, how the mighty Belly Bounce sent Maleficent flying off into the distance with a scream of AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA until she became a twinkle in the sky.

Darkwing fell, head first, into the rocky ground below. "Ouch."

The three good fairies looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders.

"I'll bet Cindy's godmother doesn't have to deal with this," Flora said.

* * *

**Phineas and Ferb**.

"Ah-hah! There you are, Perry the Platypus!" Dr. Doofenshmirtz looked up. "Nice entrance, but it won't help you this time! Now victory is mine, because- why are you so talkative now?" he wondered, listening to the introductory tirade of his nemesis.

"- I am Darkwing Duck!" the intruder finished, jumping feet first on the Doctor's stomach.

"Oooohhhh! I like the new clothes! Very stylish!"

* * *

Elsewhere, Gosalyn looked at the figure sitting across the table. "So, then I can spend all the night at the Movie Marathon of Merciless Marauders, right?"

Perry only made a vague strange sound out a corner of his beak.

"Thank you, Dad! You're the greatest!" Then she walked away muttering to herself. "It just isn't the same..."

* * *

**The Lion King.**

All over the Pride Lands, the call was heard. All across the wide savannah, the noble beasts gathered and raced towards Pride Rock. They assembled under and around the monolithic shadow, under the red sun, to pay their respects to the son and heir of King Mufasa and Queen Sarabi. Rafiki, the wise simian, rose into sight, holding the newborn hope for the future in his hands. He was seen by them all, as a luminous beacon of glorious things to come. He was-

\- tiny, feathered, white, and sporting a purple mask on his small face.

He opened his cute orange beak and said, "Quack!"

An antelope shifted his look to the zebra at his side. "So... how was that supposed to work, anyway?"

The zebra shrugged. "I don't want to know, really."

* * *

**The Avengers**.

"Enough!" Loki angrily shouted. "You are, all of you are beneath me! I am a god, you dull creatures, and I will not be bullied by..."

Hulk grunted ferally, then looked at Darkwing.

Darkwing nodded. "Yes, Hulk. Let's pretend Loki is on fire."

Hulk grabbed Loki's legs and began slamming him against the floor, over and over. "PUT OUT THE PUNY GOD! PUT OUT THE PUNY GOD!"

And then he left him buried face up into the cracked floor, as he walked over him with a grunt.

Loki let out a long, pitiful, weak whine.

Darkwing walked over to him. "Painful, huh?"

"S-Second most painful of my life, actually..."

"Only the second?!"

"D-Don't forget, I have lived far longer than you..."

* * *

**The Incredibles.**

Edna Mode gave him an aghast stare. "You're still wearing a cape?!"

He flaunted it, in all of its purple glory. "Of course I am! It's a key part of my style! Part and parcel of my image of mysterious predator of the night! Scouting the shadows, wrapped in his cool mysterious cape, Darkwing Duck stalks evil like a politician stalks the polls..."

Edna shrieked and tossed a ball of scrunched-up designs at Darkwing's head. "NO CAPES!"

"We've gone through this before! It's necessary for an urban vigilante!"

"Do you remember Thunderhead? Tall, storm powers? Nice man, good with kids. November 15th of '58! All was well, another day saved, when... his cape snagged on a missile fin!"

"And what's that to me? I don't fly anyway! I'll never be on the same level as a flying missile!"

"Stratogale! April 23rd, '57! Cape caught in a jet turbine!"

"I go through turbines all the time! it barely bruises me!"

"Metaman, express elevator!"

"No big deal for me either!"

"Dynaguy, snagged on takeoff!"

"Like that'd ever happen to me!"

"Splashdown, sucked into a vortex!"

"Edna, the cape would rip itself off before it could pull me along!"

_"NO CAPES!"_

They stared into each other's eyes angrily for a few moments before Edna deflated with a tired sigh.

"Okay. Very well. Your funeral."

"I've been working with a cape for years..."

"I'm not going to continue discussing that. Now, about that other thing you need to change for good already..." she pointed down. "Pants."

"Pants?"

"DW, dear, it's not the good ol' innocent days anymore. People will start talking about exhibitionism and indecency... And thugs nowadays, they play dirty, they kick in the crotch. You're going to need a cup..."

"Will it make me look more masculine?"

"There are miracles even I can't achieve, DW..."

"... I'm going to interpret that as 'I can't make you ANY MORE masculine', not 'I can't make you masculine, period'..."

"You probably should..." she shrugged, rolling her eyes in a jaded way.

* * *

**Monsters, Inc.**

The closet's doors flew open, and out went a huge puff of purple smoke, and a voice.

"I am the terror, and I mean terror, that flaps the night! I am the weather forecast that predict wetness on your blankets! I am... Darkwing Duck!"

The tiny twins blinked, then began clapping and giggling. "Ducky! Ducky, ducky, ducky!"

He sighed and took his hat off. "Maybe I should start dressing in yellow and black?"

* * *

**Brave.**

The monster bear rose before him, roaring in such a way even the best tempered hearts would have been made to waver. The titanic creature loomed over him, and its small shiny eyes conveyed a sense of inhuman menace... and yet, at the same time, also a certain familiarity, something he had seen before. It was as almost as if he had met that fearsome being before, somewhere else...

Then he asked, "Grizzlikoff? Is that you?"

The monster bear roared again, on his face.

"- nope, nope, nope. Too kind and warm, I see..."

* * *

**Beauty and the Beast.**

By love, he stood now before her, transformed, changed back from the monstrous creature she had known. He opened his clear eyes and looked gently at her gorgeous face. and he smiled. And then Belle said...

"You're a duck."

"Well, yes. I mentioned I was a prince, but I never said I had been a human prince..."

"Why didn't you ever tell me you were a duck?"

"Ummm... It didn't seem that important at the time? After all, I was convinced I'd stay a beast, so..."

Belle remained still, watching him with a blank, shocked expression. The prince's servants began growing restless.

"... it's because I lost the muscles, isn't it," the Prince said.

Belle squealed "I _loooove_ ducks!" and jumped on him, mashing her mouth wildly against his bill.

Because the 'furry' sexual disorder isn't always limited to 'fur'.

* * *

**Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.**

"But she... is a duck," the Prince said, befuddled, as he got closer to take a better look. "Oh my God, I never had realized it before, but she's a duck!"

"I thought you had met before? a confused Doc asked.

"We had, but I am myopic, and glasses ruin my image, and her stepmother always kept her- Oh no, I can't do this. Not with a duck," he shook his head somberly. "I am all up for inner beauty, but... A duck is too much, sorry..." He took another closer look. "A duck in drag, even!" he cringed.

Snow White's right eyebrow twitched just the slightest bit.

The Prince hopped back on his horse and asked, "Would you happen to know where's Lady Tremaine's house?"

The dwarves pointed down the road.

"Thank you. I heard she's got some daughters in the age, and, well, better to get there before Charming does. Farewell, friends," he said, then rode his steed into the distance.

Doc exhaled a sigh.

"So, can we bury her already?" Grumpy asked. "She's starting to creep me out."

* * *

**Disney Infinity.**

Finally, the phone rang, and Darkwing eagerly jumped on it.

"Hello? I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the sure-fire guarantee of success for your next project, I am Darkwing Duck! Yes, of course it's me! Yes. No. No, no! Um. Disney Infinity. Ahhhh... of course I've heard of it! What? Um, I think I have quite a few things to consider first, you know, with my agenda always being so busy and all that... but, but I accept! Ah? Whaddya mean you only want Ratcatcher?"

_"Oh, that's how it's called?"_ asked the caller. _"Yeah, we only want the motorcycle. That was a damn fine vehicle. Best thing from that show, bar none. The kids will love it, I'm sure. You still have it, right? We've thought it'd be cool to have Stitch riding it during his reveal video..."_

"Wait, wait a moment there! I've got my pride! If you think I'm going to tolerate you snubbing me AGAIN, after you cancelled my TV series, my DVD sets, and then my comic book, despite my popularity, while helping you by lending you **MY** Ratcatcher, then you're sorely-!"

* * *

"Yep, yep, yep," he paused the video and pointed to the screen. "Look there! That's my bike Stitch is riding. They begged me for a cameo, no doubt hoping for a full appearance down along the road, but while we continue negotiating **my** contract, I was generous enough to lend them Ratcatcher..."

They asked, "Wow, does that old thing still really work...?"

"... yes. Now get out of my house."

* * *

**Next:** The Princess and the Frog! Kingdom Hearts! Pirates of the Caribbean! The Lone Ranger! Cinderella! The Jungle Book! Frozen! And more!


	2. I'm the 3D Wave that Killed 2D Animation

_Darkwing Duck and all other characters and properties mentioned and shown here are the property of the Walt Disney Company. I make no money at all out of them, and any resemblance of the events and characters shown here with anyone or anything from the real world, living or dead, talking caped ducks included, without parodic purposes is completely accidental._

_Now, let's get dangerous! Again!_

* * *

**EVERY DISNEY STORY, STARRING DARKWING DUCK- SECOND INSTALLEMENT.**

* * *

**Bolt**.

"I'm sorry," OverMaster apologized sheepishly. "I never watched it, I don't have any particular wish to ever watch it, and even if I had, I'm sure I wouldn't remember it now..."

"Oh, it's okay," the duck sighed. "I think everyone in the world falls under at least one of those..."

* * *

**Tarzan**.

Kala approached the small cradle at the middle of the devastated treehouse. Listening to the wails coming from its inside, the female gorilla carefully lifted the blanket covering it, and found the sole survivor of Sabor's carnivorous rampage. Her eyes glinted at the sight of the diminutive crying ball of white feathers, clothed in nothing but a diaper and a small purple mask.

She grabbed the strange tiny animal and held it up, high...

* * *

"Ah, there you are," Kerchak told her as soon as he saw her rejoining the group. In truth, he had been concerned about her lately, not that he would say it. But he was perceptive enough to realize she still had not recovered from the loss of their newborn at Sabor's claws. "Where had you been?"

Kala made a subdued sound while picking her teeth in a nearly lifeless way. "Only wandering around. Sometimes, new things to eat help me to cope with... frustrations," she sadly sighed.

If only it had looked more like a baby gorilla, then maybe...

* * *

_All the great apes, with the exception of the gorilla, are primarily frugivorous, but they do eat some animal products as well, though generally less than the chimp- Ward Nicholson, 1998._

* * *

**101 Dalmatians.**

Negaduck smiled and tightened a fist. "That's it! What we are going to do, then, is kidnapping the kindly young couple from the Dalmatian dogs... and then I'll make myself a snazzy new coat out of their skin!"

Horace and Jasper paled where they stood before him, aghast.

Negaduck raised an eyebrow under his mask. "... Any objections?"

"Mr. Boss, sir..." Jasper gulped aloud, "Surely you mean stealing the Dalmatian dogs from the kindly young couple so you can make yourself a snazzy new coat out of their fur, right?"

Negaduck snarled, pulled his chainsaw out, and turned it on. "Do I look like the type to mess the wording up OR wear smelly dog fur?"

"... just asking!" Jasper quickly replied.

"Poisoning them, drowning them, bashing them in the head with an anvil... I don't care **how** we kill the little suburban hairless apes, but let's do it, and do it **now**!"

_"Oh, God!"_

* * *

**Peter Pan.**

He tugged a little on his new set of clothes, clearly bothered by it. "Green really isn't my color," he mumbled. "And this annoying firefly won't stop flying around me..."

He slapped his hands together, squashing the tiny luminous dot between them. "Ah-hah! Darkwing Duck, I mean, Peter Pan, always stands triumphant at the end! After enduring constant annoyance from an infernal creature, The Hero clears a path for his bright new role that will inspire generations!"

He wiped his hands off, tossing the small broken being aside, and then smiled for the rest of the cast. "Well? We're all here except my faithful companion Tinkerbell, aren't we? Don't tell me she's one of those undisciplined starlets who always arrive late to the set..."

Wendy, her brothers, the Lost Boys and the pirates all shared really awkward glances.

* * *

**Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.**

Darkwing stared, horrified, at the colorful house that had just sprouted from the ground at Mickey's command, then stared blankly at the Mouse himself. "You must be kidding us. People called me egomaniacal, but at least I only put my face on the plane and the bike! Aren't you ashamed of living in that... that architectonic monstrosity shaped like a shrine to your ego?"

"Actually, I don't live there either, I just go there to set up the quests for the kindergarteners," Mickey shrugged. "Anyway, haven't you learned the song yet?"

"A song? Which song? Are we supposed to do songs here?"

"Of course we are! All the time, at the end of the episode. Like this," and he began making a silly little dance as he sung, _"Mouseka-hey, mouseka-hi, mouseka-ho! Mouseka-ready, mouseka-set, here we go!"_

Darkwing stared in horror again. "You wrote the song after your name, as well!" He turned around, tossed his hands up, and walked away. "At least mine is more varied than that! I prefer going back to obscurity!"

Goofy held a sailor suit and hat up, sheepishly. "Ummm... so, you won't be using these, either?"

* * *

**Epic Mickey.**

Oswald kept shouting. "And while I have been here all these years, rotting away in this limbo, forgotten, you have gone to become... popular... loved by everyone... the face... of the Disney brand name... a household... item... a... major part of pop culture across... the whole world...!"

He fell silent then, watching blankly at Darkwing and his blunt 'Are you kidding me?' face.

Oswald put his hands on Darkwing's shoulders. "I'm sorry... brother..."

"Okay, now that last part, _that_ was insulting..."

* * *

**Frozen.**

"No," Elsa turned around and began walking away from him. "I'm sorry, but... I can't go back with you. Please, just leave and don't come back. It's for your own wellbeing."

He blinked. "But, Elsa..." And then he began singing. _"You don't have to protect me. I'm not afraid! Please don't shut me out again. Please don't slam the door. You don't have to keep your distance anymore. 'Cause for the first time in forever, I finally understand..."_

"Wait, wait wait a moment," Kristoff interrupted him, much to his annoyance, coming in through the huge ice door. He pointed at the puzzled Elsa and asked his recent travel companion, "**She** is **your** sister?"

"Yep, yep, yep. What? Isn't the family resemblance evident?"

"But you are... and she, she is a..." Kristoff kept pointing back and forth between them.

Elsa and Drake both stared at him as if they had absolutely no idea what was he talking about.

Kristoff stared back, completely baffled, then turned around and tossed his hands up. "I'll keep waiting outside."

Olaf peeked in, and his face lit up. "Wow...! I had no idea you were **_twins_**...!"

* * *

**Duck Tales.**

He crawled from the plane's wreckage and snapped his back into a semblance of a working shape. Then he shot Launchpad a vicious glare. "I can't wait for you to learn how to land a plane!"

"Huh?" Launchpad asked, coming out after him, the nephews and Webby, none of them visibly hurt at all, quickly emerging afterwards.

"Never mind," Darkwing mumbled, unfolding the map and looking carefully at it. "Why do I have to look for treasure, anyway? I have more money than I'll ever be able to spend in that money bin alone, what's the difference on a few old gems more or not? Honestly..."

"Can I take off this red wig and these shoes already, Unca?" Webby hopefully asked.

"No, of course you can't, Gosalyn..." he said without looking back.

"But, my name is Webby...!"

"After I finish coping, it will be, yeah!"

* * *

**Alice in Wonderland**.

The Red Queen of Hearts, already out of her ever loving mind over the outrageous, insolent ways of the intruder, pointed at him and shouted madly, "Off with his head! **Off with his head!**"

The dark, grim figure snorted gruffly at her. "The sentence over summarily sentencing others to death... IS DEATH!" he said, quickly pulling out his trusty massive hand cannon and promptly shooting the Queen's head cleanly off her neck.

The King, the Card soldiers, the Hare, the Hatter, the White Rabbit, the Dodo, all blankly stared at him, horrified. Even the Cheshire Cat had traded his ever present grin for a shocked open mouth.

"What?" Darkwarrior Duck growled. "Here comes the part when you call me out on my alleged hypocrisy, doesn't it? Do you know the sentence for that?"

"Uhhhh... death?" the King shyly asked.

"NO!" Darkwarrior Duck shot him next. "Death is the sentence for not being a proper citizen and pointing out the flaws of the justice system!"

"B-B-But they were the justice system!" the Rabbit gasped aloud.

"WRONG!" Darkwarrior Duck shot him then. "Even authorities have to answer to law! The sentence for suggesting otherwise is DEATH!"

"I'm late, I'm late..." the Rabbit gurgled as he fell.

"The sentence for illegal drug use is DEATH!" Darkwarrior went on, proceeding to shoot the Caterpillar.

Alice wisely decided tossing the mushrooms she had gathered through her stay away, discreetly, before he could realize their presence.

"The sentence over devouring sapient creatures is DEATH!" Darkwarrior added as he blew the Walrus up, then extending a bill towards the charred falling pieces. "Also, the sentence for cheating your fellow would-be conspirator out of his share is twenty dollars, or its equivalent in your national currency. Wait, perhaps I should have passed the sentences the other way around. Tsk..."

* * *

**The Princess and the Frog**.

"What? What? **What?!"** a frustrated Darkwing asked, holding his hands open, the tiny splattered form still between them. "This made, I _did_ make sure it was just a firefly and not a fairy!"

As Louis began weeping hysterically, Tiana facepalmed, and Lottie took a hand to her own mouth with an expression of utter disgust, Facilier stomped a foot down. "Curses! Not only my most evil successful deed amounted to nothing but squashing a miserable bug down, but now you took that away from me, too?! That's it, I'll be in my trailer, first one to knock gets a shadow to the face! "

* * *

**Next Time**: Look, I know last time I had promised Kingdom Hearts, Pirates of the Caribbean, The Lone Ranger, Cinderella and The Jungle Book, and I didn't exactly deliver on those ones for this chapter, but maybe next time, who knows? Or Big Hero 6. Or Guardians of the Galaxy. Mulan. Pocahontas. Roger Rabbit. The Little Mermaid, perhaps. Or Hercules. The Great Mouse Detective. Goof Troop… Or Cars. Perhaps not Planes, though. Ugh. Freaking Planes.


End file.
